I'm gonna guess you're right. I remember reading VW wanting the 5 cylinder for the mk8 R and audi shooting it down. So vw instead opted for a new awd system. Or some such, it could've been an opinion piece though. I can't recall. Either way, my money is on you being rightIt's still Haldex v5 though. Sounds like the new S3 is still using it too, I'd have to think that the new RS3 will get v6 like the Golf R though.
The M2 has the unfortunate disadvantage of the body style and rear windows that don't roll down, kills it for us. Also has the unfortunate S55 and it's love of crank hub failures.
As for the Teslas, it's one thing in a straight line to about 80 mph, but even the Performance models die off above that speed and you can give up any tracking with those things too.